TBT: Flutterby
A shadow crosses my path,
just adding to the dimness.
I shudder, being surrounded
by harsh, cold-shouldered trees
that glare at my huddled,
shuffling form.
The road under my numb,
heavy feet, tired with many miles,
tosses and rolls with
broken brick, jutting
quite rudely into my soles.
No other presence, all
except the bright
invisible entity,
a steady, silent confidante,
forever anchoring me
to hope and sanity.
Vivid specks of color
are always on the edges of my sight,
other souls, fellow
journeymen, seeking
happiness at the end
of this long road.
They are always there, yet
we are apart.
One can only make
this journey
alone.
Despite their
separateness, I take
comfort in
their presence.
I am together with
them in
solitude.
Many are straying,
going down a road different
from mine, heading to
a different place, a
dark place, from
what I’ve heard, a
place more sinister than
here, this world composed
of so many different
pieces, so painfully wonderful,
so terrifyingly
beautiful, so sweetly bitter.
Torn am I between this
life and the
next, which is promised
to be continually
joyful, with no trials.
But is everlasting happiness
really so satisfying?
I suppose this
I shall discover, if I
keep trudging along
here…
Look!
A rarity
so lovely flits across my path,
a winged-thing so clear
as to almost be
transparent; a
small gesture, a
smile maybe, from
a being nearby.
So unexpected and quick,
I might have
missed it.
Suddenly, the trees aren’t
so harsh, the road is
not conspiring to cause
me to stumble.
The world is lighter,
more free, softer,
not quite so formidable.
My step quickens.
I notice a ray of
sunshine
cascading through the
trees, illuminating
the slender, curving veins
of each tender leaf
and the wind flowing
between those leaves,
singing life’s secrets
to me, barely
loud enough to hear.
Everything seems so
much more lovely, and yet
I know this world remains
the same. It is
my own perspective that
has transformed. All
because of one
lucid flutterby.
Background:
This poem is my first with a date that shows it being completed when I was in high school.
A little before this, my poems started to include even more free verse-style poems, a pattern which is continued here. This one, like the previous TBT poem, is very imagery- and metaphor-driven.
There are hints here that point toward the spiritual valley I was entering in this phase of my life - things like the perspective of life as being harsh and lonely and the confusion about whether eternal happiness is fulfilling or not.
I still look back on this phase of my life with a mix of emotions, including tenderness toward my younger self, sorrow that I didn’t reach out to others as I could have, and gratitude that God walked with me even while I was doubting Him (as He has continued to do when I enter similar phases).
But if you’ll notice, what turned this poem around in tone was one smile from another person at a time when I (in the poem and often in real life) thought I was disconnected from those around me. Other people are often the best lifelines God throws to us when we are starting to drown. May we reach out and hold each other up - we don’t have to tread these murky waters of life alone. God never intended us to.
Wishing you goodness without end,
Jess