Judge and Poet

My whole life I’ve been longing

for the mind of a judge

and the heart of a poet.

My whole life I’ve gotten a crick in my neck

from looking up to

the mind of Solomon,

the heart of David,

and then looking down on

the limitations of one,

the stumblings of the other.

I have burned with envy, with shame

when I wasn’t naturally one

or both.

But this requires more of me, and less -

more asking of the Father

to shape me into a humbler judge and a quieter poet.

Less expectation of myself

to be either on my own.

What more is needed

as I gaze at the One who is first and best of both?

May both continue to not come naturally,

so that I am an always seeking,

ever-growing apprentice

of discernment and rhyme.

Background:

Desiring wisdom is a painful experience - there are so many moments where you feel slapped across the face with how much of a fool you are.

Desiring to weave words is a humbling experience - there are so many cringe-worthy reflections on previous work.

Let’s continue anyway, friends. There is no shame in apprenticeship.

We don’t have to try to appear like the master of our own lives anymore. Aren’t we tired from wearing that mask? It doesn’t fit well anyway - it’s rather too big and keeps slipping off.

We don’t have to believe we are helpless, either. Aren’t we exhausted from telling ourselves a story of how helpless we are and how pointless trying is? It takes a lot of energy to tell a made-up tale and live in it, too.

We are neither master nor are we helpless.

We are students. Just enough power to make a difference, but not enough to totally destroy everything. What a wonderful place to be. What a marvelous job to have - learn. “Learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,” Jesus says.

Praise God, who could wish for a better Teacher than our Master of discernment and rhyme?

Wishing you goodness without end,

Jess