Heart of the Work

I do this work unto the Lord;

when He is near, who can be bored?

When tasks feel painfully mundane,

His presence keeps me feeling sane.

In Christ, the smallest work is mighty made,

success is not what He will grade.

He who made the atom the base of all

will use my offering, big or small.

This work is just the wrapping of my gift.

His eye to see within is swift,

for what He desires most is there:

at the quick of my work, a heart laid bare.

Background:

If I’d had to research my emotional state during the time when I wrote this, “directionless” would have been a keyword.

At the time, I was doing work that I had purposefully chosen for how little thought it took. I needed a step back to regroup, to leave space for ideas to come. My post-college path took some unexpected turns, both in my external circumstances and in my internal compass. The career path I thought made sense, had personal meaning, and would support me changed in my mind’s eye from logical to charged with feelings of resistance I could only partially explain, even before I finished my Master’s program.

I even pushed gently against the resistance a few times, looking into possibilities to pursue that career path, but doors didn’t open in those directions and the internal resistance and lack of desire to continue only increased.

Frequent feelings of guilt walked side-by-side with the sense of resistance. That hasn’t fully faded, but I’m trying to be patient, because the step back period did bring ideas, some of which I have acted on (hence, this website) and some of which are bigger-picture ideas that have lingered long enough that I think taking steps toward them could be worth it.

Maybe that career path will still be part of my story in some way in the future; I am trying to learn to wait and work in the now instead of postponing any and all decisions and actions because of so many feelings of uncertainty.

We don’t have to know everything, we don’t have to force everything that seems it should make sense, and we don’t have to give up because we didn’t meet our own expectations.

Wherever you are in life, I pray that you’ll join me in trying to hone our understanding of ourselves, our innate interests and abilities, and where God might be giving us opportunities to use them for good purposes, whether expected or not.

Wishing you goodness without end,

Jess