Well Being (Version 2)
Part 1
The word “well” — let’s plumb its depths, shall we?
Doing well!
Pretty well.
Well enough.
Well!
Well done!
Well, well, well…
Farewell!
May as well.
Well met!
Well, sure!
Leave well enough alone!
Money well spent.
That’s well-made.
Want to be well-read,
well-organized,
well-informed,
well-educated,
well-paid,
well-known,
well-to-do,
well-endowed,
well-aware.
They’re well-meaning,
well-liked,
well-suited,
well-matched,
well-written,
well-balanced,
well-rounded,
well-timed,
well-mannered.
Sending well-wishes,
so well-loved.
Making me well up!
Invest in your well-being…
Wellbeing…
how is my wellbeing?
Am I a well being?
Is there soundness
deep down to my bones?
What is rooted in me
that I still haven’t known?
Are there still things
left rotting inside,
any decay that I
instinctively hide?
What’s in my marrow?
What’s in my blood?
What’s all that’s inside me
tell me is good?
Does inside tell me true?
Is my soul grown enough
to be trusted to choose
what’s whispered above?
Is my substance what’s growing,
or the small abysses inside?
For though they seem stagnant,
dark growth they all hide.
Even death is living —
nothing stays still,
even those gaps will
grow ‘til they kill,
not always by violence,
but by leaving bereft
what once was so full
‘til nothing’s what’s left.
Am I a well being?
How deep is my soul?
Can I hold living water
‘til it overflows?
Or am I a sieve,
deceptively deep,
but pockmarked with holes
and fractures that seep,
losing what’s good
the moment it’s gained
or losing the calm
I yearn to maintain?
In a world filled with cries
I can’t answer or fix,
what can one half-healed
add to the mix?
A mess, more mess…
I can’t hold it all,
Fill in my gaps,
maybe then I won’t fall
and drag others down with me,
creating more gaps,
broken shards raining down
into tear-washed laps.
Fix me now!
Please, for Your sake!
Why’re You waiting around
while Your things I break?
I can’t fix it all!
I’ve tried filling cracks
with pieces I found
and tried putting back.
Why, why is it taking so long?
I thought I’d be better than this by now,
why is healing so slow, so slow I can’t tell,
why did You make me SO………………….
Part 2
Well.
I made you well.
Don’t try to fix yourself —
that’s My job.
Instead, water the earth with your tears.
Do not quench My Spirit,
quench the dry soil around you!
It cries out in wilderness-speak for provision.
Creation asked for provision
and I sent it
you.
You’re worried about
being a sieve —
I’m pouring the water of Life into you —
how else do you expect it
to make its way through you
and out there
as you are, right now?
You’re worried about the open spaces,
the broken bits, the gaps —
Do
not
be afraid.
I’ll fill those in
and add more than you can fathom,
but for now,
rejoice in the gaps —
leave the spaces for Me.
Let the harsh word that still
sometimes flows out unthinkingly
give you a reason to apologize
and show the world that My children are humble.
Let the heavy sorrow at suffering that is out of your control
pour out as kindness and tears as it overwhelms you
and show the world My children are compassionate.
By revealing yourselves, even broken, as these things,
you reveal also that I Am.
Let the water flow,
for as it flows through your broken places,
its healing begins in you
and ends in places uncountable to you!
Let the Spirit,
the One who moves like the wind,
where He pleases,
stir up the dead stillness
to living silence and harmonic sound.
I’m washing things clean through you —
let Me.
Part 3
Deep and wide, deep and wide,
there’s a fountain flowing deep and wide,
and naught am I, naught am I,
if I reject healing by His stripes.
So,
may all be washed clean,
even if with our tears,
even if our healing
may take many years.
And one day… one day…
May the fissures be closed,
may what is broken be mended,
to return this being
to what was intended,
for all time diverted
from a self-shaped hell
by the only Being
Who is and does all things
well.
Background:
My home congregation has an annual family retreat where any members are welcome to gather for a weekend at a conference center, have Bible studies, meals, worship, games, fellowship, the works — practice for heaven! One of the fun events is a talent show. I was able to go this year, and since I’ve been trying to stretch myself, I decided to read one of my poems. This was the first time I have done so in many years. I read some other pieces twice when I was in college at the Christian Student Center talent show.
As I was deciding what piece to read, I started having all these ideas that felt tied to the “Well Being” poem I had previously written, so I worked on the additions, weaving things into the places that seemed best for a few weeks, and this is the result. I did not include my notes to myself on where to make certain gestures or facial expressions. This new version was very much written with the intention of being performed, and I think tone of voice makes a difference in the feeling or interpretation of a few of the lines.
Hopefully, even without those aspects, it can connect with someone. I wrote the child of God speaking in parts one and three with the hope that their perspective would be ambiguous enough that any person could think of their own struggles or shortcomings when they hear it. I wanted to be a self-insert character in the performance, for each listener to receive the encouragement, not to be complacent with ourselves or give ourselves excuses for wrongdoing or unhealthy tendencies, but to be patient with the growing and healing process that we each uniquely experience with the Lord.
He will complete the great work He has done in us, and He will teach us patience by when He does it. What an amazingly, albeit sometimes frustratingly, multilayered Father we have. Thank You, Lord, for being more farsighted than we are and loving us through our impatience.
Wishing you goodness without end,
Jessica B.